Monday, August 12, 2013

Realizations

We may be coming up on a time when my husband will no longer be able to work because of his disabilities.  That's a difficult thing to swallow no matter your age, but when he's only 35, that's downright near impossible.

This was NOT the plan.

So I'm doing my best to keep doing my research and plodding along until we know where we're at with the doctors and other things that are going on.  But worse than that is trying to work through my own emotions in the middle of the night because I can't mentally afford to work through them during the day when I can't have 5 minutes to myself.

I was talking to a dear friend tonight and oddly we were discussing our love for swimming laps.  I said something I'd never considered before.  "Let me get in the pool and leave me ALONE."  I've been a lap swimmer since before there were 2 digits to my age.  It had never dawned on me until tonight that there's a reason I absolutely LOVE swimming laps - I get to be ALONE.

Alone isn't something I get often.  Between a 15 month old baby, a 10 year old I homeschool, and now a veteran that's with me 24/7 unless he's sleeping, alone is something I've come to cherish.

It also pegged why I get SO annoyed when other people invite themselves to workout with me or suggest working out together.  This whole "do it as a team" thing doesn't really work that hot for me.  Why?  Because for the love of God, I WANT TO BE ALONE.

I don't need anyone else's drama unloading on me while they're next to me on a treadmill or 15 kids at the park making fun of my son in the middle of my "workout walk" that I brought both kids on because I didn't have an option and of course we had to stop at the park because this town only has 10 streets and 2 of them have parks on them.

Tomorrow I'm going to get up and get ready to go visit a friend.  I have to take the baby with because, well, he's the baby.  But I think when I'm done talking with her I'm going to bring my stroller and put the baby in it and just go be as close to alone as I can get for a good hour. 

I spent 3 days just the baby and I at the end of July.  I was better for it.  I love that everyone wants to help support me and be there for me but sometimes, a girl just wants to be left alone.

1 comment:

Stephanie Miller said...

I wish I would have searched earlier for a blog like yours. I just started my own. I had to have an outlet...my husband has PTSD and TBI too, and my motto for today was just wanting to be alone. I wish I could not be a mom or a wife for one day. Just a day to get all to myself. I don't have to worry about taking care of anyone else but me. Thank you for this....I'm going to check in WAY more often!