My heart is heavy and my head is sore...yet still I rage on.
Schooling? Well, that's been sitting on a side burner with the "summer excuse" despite the fact that we're normally a "year round" family.
DH? That's yet another mess I have yet to wrap my head around that's causing schooling to fall to the wayside. I need to get him better again before I lose my mind.
I'm quickly coming to realization that many of my dreams are likely not going to be coming true in the near future. My plans to leave here in 3 years when we arrived are officially shattered. The goal of having a renewal of vows for our 10th wedding anniversary in 2 years is also flying out the window as I watch DH's health deteriorate before my eyes.
So many dreams...childish dreams really...and there they all go. I'm not sure if we will ever be able to tour on his Harley with his injured knee. It's definitely looking like we will not be dancing beneath the stars on our anniversary anytime soon...he can barely walk much the less dance. Vacations, travel, and fun seem to be seeping out of my life while I fight to keep us all in the game.
When will it end? Why every day do I hear the echo in my head of my in-laws, "This is all YOUR fault!"? How much guilt am I supposed to feel for wanting to have a normal life? And when does it end? How do I get through this? How do I manage to keep the world spinning? Why does it all fall on MY shoulders? What did I ever do?