Tonight I was watching a favorite musical of mine and like a ton of bricks it hit me over the head that my life is never going to be the same.
I'm wasting my time and energy trying to keep things appearing normal because they are never going to be normal again. I will never have the life I imagined for myself. I can't get it back. No matter how hard I try this is never going to change and trying to change it is, at the very least futile, at the worst, stupid.
Trying to make life "pretty" isn't going to work...putting a new coat of paint on crap still leaves it as crap. Nights like this I just want to give up the fight and let PTSD and TBI win. I just want to give up.