3 days ago may have been the first day of the rest of my life. I don't know for certain, but I do know this.
1. My husband is now out on short term medical leave due to his debilitating migraines.
2. Treatment for them may or may not be effective as we've already spent 6 months trying to fix this.
3. There is a significant possibility that he may not be able to return to his job if they cannot be controlled.
So....yeah. Today we spoke with the VSO and our FRC trying to figure out where we go from here. 2 more C&Ps are going to be filed on Monday which will most likely increase his disability rating since one of them has never been reviewed and the other hasn't been reviewed in nearly 5 years and is not improving either.
I'm slowly coming to terms with what my life may look like in the next few months. I think I'm okay with it but honestly right now I'm just overwhelmed and concerned with the long term affect this will have on his mental health.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Meal Planning = Let the Chaos Commence!
For the next 3 weeks I am going to be doing my VERY best to NOT have to grocery shop. The good news is I keep a VERY full pantry and deep freezer at all times. My reward for being a good girl is going to be getting to restock with a TON of new stuff after this is over and we'll get the opportunity to put our emergency food plan to the test - plus, it's really time to go through most of what's there and replenish so basically this is God saying, "get off your butt and clean out the pantry". :)
I am allowing myself to purchase the following:
Milk, Cheese, and yogurt
Fresh Veggies and Fruits (primarily through Bountiful Baskets)
Frozen Veggies (because I know I don't have enough!)
Sandwich bread and tortillas (all other bread products will be handmade!)
Juice (because I am not that ambitious)
Soda (because otherwise there will be mass rebellion)
Meat (if ABSOLUTELY needed - otherwise using up what's in the freezer)
That's it. Everything else will be coming from my pantry. Here is the menu plan for the first week. All of the products needed I already have on hand with the exception of what's needed for May 5, I'm out of tortilla shells and will purchase those on Saturday when I go in to pick up my basket from town. :)
This REALLY cool meal planning sheet was made by my fabulous friend Pam. She gets 100% of the credit on that one. :)
I am allowing myself to purchase the following:
Milk, Cheese, and yogurt
Fresh Veggies and Fruits (primarily through Bountiful Baskets)
Frozen Veggies (because I know I don't have enough!)
Sandwich bread and tortillas (all other bread products will be handmade!)
Juice (because I am not that ambitious)
Soda (because otherwise there will be mass rebellion)
Meat (if ABSOLUTELY needed - otherwise using up what's in the freezer)
That's it. Everything else will be coming from my pantry. Here is the menu plan for the first week. All of the products needed I already have on hand with the exception of what's needed for May 5, I'm out of tortilla shells and will purchase those on Saturday when I go in to pick up my basket from town. :)
This REALLY cool meal planning sheet was made by my fabulous friend Pam. She gets 100% of the credit on that one. :)
Thursday, March 14, 2013
It just goes on and on
What does the wife of a PTSD/TBI veteran need more than an
unexpected, unplanned, less than 48 hours notice "business trip" 200
miles from her home? The next 24 hours entailed packing the suitcases,
caring for one kid sick with the flu, cleaning the car, fueling the car
and trying to keep the baby happy.
Morning dawns on the third day. Feed the baby. Baby gets big brother's flu. I can't stay home because the only way to get to where my husband is going is by driving through the mountains and his chronic migraines leave him unable to drive and he can't miss this meeting because it's required. Alas, the show must go on. Say a quick prayer for my sanity and the baby to not decide to christen the interior of my Jeep.
Hubby comes home and goes to sleep so I turn on coverage of "PopeWatch 2013" and hang out while finishing packing clothes, charging electronics, and such. Pope Francis I was elected at 12:10 our time. We were still home so we decided to stick around until he made his first appearance. It's the first new Pope my son will remember. Honestly, I'm glad we waited. It was the highlight of my day.
Pope Francis is announced to the world and my husband, ironically the cradle Catholic of the family shoos us out within seconds of him leaving the balcony. Load the kids up, say another quick prayer, get in the car and get on the road.
We made it 30 miles before our first set back, big brother having some motion sickness issues due to recently getting over the flu. Fresh air and some peppermint drops solved the dilemma and onward we went. Arrive at destination 6 hours later taking pictures the whole way at 65 mph out the car window. I remember when I loved my hobby of photography. I've seriously considered starting a blog while taking these photos called "Photography at 65 MPH" since those are the only photos I take anymore. Oddly I'm getting rather good at it.
Spend the next 2 hours listening to a conference call for my husband's side business and try to follow the conversation so when he's confused later I can help sort out the issues. Fortunately his partners know he has TBI and work with me to help. They like him enough and find him a valuable asset to embrace the crazy that is our world. I thank God for them daily.
Dinner at 8:30 PM in a nice restaurant. Great plan with a 10 month old...who comes up with these ideas? Spent most of the meal pacing around the restaurant until we left and headed back to the hotel where I got to deal with the older one crying because he didn't get to go swimming like I promised. *sigh* I hate broken promises. I absolutely despise them. There is nothing I hate more than breaking a promise to my child.
Listen to husband ramble for 3 hours about the conference call and try to direct traffic and individual phone calls from various business partners because today wasn't already enough of a challenge, no. We had to add one partner going crazy on the others to the pile of hurdles I needed to navigate today. Gee, thanks.
Midnight arrives, I finally get the baby to sleep around the hubbub, and off to bed we go. Quiet prayers while he's snoring in my ear - oddly enough I don't mind. He's back to working nights so I'd kind of missed his snoring while I pray. It's kind of become like an accompaniment. It may not be a concert hall at the Vatican, but it's certainly better than praying alone every night.
Baby wakes up at 5:20 - what cruel joke is this? And he wants to play. Now. Load him up in the car to help maintain the peace and drive to McDonald's so I can get some caffeine in my system and allow me to survive the day. Decide since I'm up to see the sun rise over the mountains I might as well enjoy it. I grabbed my camera and found a place to park and took about 100 photos of different angles as the sun rose over the mountains. Honestly it was an amazing experience - and probably the first photos I didn't take at 65 MPH in years.
Pull the car back into my parking spot at the hotel. Got out and opened the back door of my Jeep in time to find out the baby still had the flu. Fun fun fun. Clean the car, clean the seat, wrap the baby in a blanket and head back into the hotel - but I forgot my key. Walk around the hotel to the front desk and try to prove I am his wife because he didn't put me on the room. Get back upstairs, bathe the baby and find out older son failed to pack baby's extra clothes he was given three times to put in suitcase.
SCREAM that TBI life sucks when you're the only person over the age of 1 in the house who doesn't have it.
Back to business - no clothes left for the baby. Everything has been christened in one way or another since we left the house. I don't even have a clean blanket left to wrap him in that I own. Decide to let him hang out in a towel and a diaper while I contemplate where to go from here.
Took me about an hour in my sleep deprived state but eventually I remembered I'd bought pajamas the day before on clearance at the store when I went to grab the baby's forgotten socks. Perfect! Send my oldest down to grab them from the car and suit up for the day ahead.
Driving in circles, conference calls, meetings, trying to calm my husband down, trying to explain that no one is trying to screw him over (and praying they actually aren't).
All this to arrive home and find out his therapy appointment for tomorrow has been cancelled (gee, thanks) and that our dog sitter apparently forgot to let the dogs out before we got home. Ah well, life happens. Pray about it and move on.
Morning dawns on the third day. Feed the baby. Baby gets big brother's flu. I can't stay home because the only way to get to where my husband is going is by driving through the mountains and his chronic migraines leave him unable to drive and he can't miss this meeting because it's required. Alas, the show must go on. Say a quick prayer for my sanity and the baby to not decide to christen the interior of my Jeep.
Hubby comes home and goes to sleep so I turn on coverage of "PopeWatch 2013" and hang out while finishing packing clothes, charging electronics, and such. Pope Francis I was elected at 12:10 our time. We were still home so we decided to stick around until he made his first appearance. It's the first new Pope my son will remember. Honestly, I'm glad we waited. It was the highlight of my day.
Pope Francis is announced to the world and my husband, ironically the cradle Catholic of the family shoos us out within seconds of him leaving the balcony. Load the kids up, say another quick prayer, get in the car and get on the road.
We made it 30 miles before our first set back, big brother having some motion sickness issues due to recently getting over the flu. Fresh air and some peppermint drops solved the dilemma and onward we went. Arrive at destination 6 hours later taking pictures the whole way at 65 mph out the car window. I remember when I loved my hobby of photography. I've seriously considered starting a blog while taking these photos called "Photography at 65 MPH" since those are the only photos I take anymore. Oddly I'm getting rather good at it.
Spend the next 2 hours listening to a conference call for my husband's side business and try to follow the conversation so when he's confused later I can help sort out the issues. Fortunately his partners know he has TBI and work with me to help. They like him enough and find him a valuable asset to embrace the crazy that is our world. I thank God for them daily.
Dinner at 8:30 PM in a nice restaurant. Great plan with a 10 month old...who comes up with these ideas? Spent most of the meal pacing around the restaurant until we left and headed back to the hotel where I got to deal with the older one crying because he didn't get to go swimming like I promised. *sigh* I hate broken promises. I absolutely despise them. There is nothing I hate more than breaking a promise to my child.
Listen to husband ramble for 3 hours about the conference call and try to direct traffic and individual phone calls from various business partners because today wasn't already enough of a challenge, no. We had to add one partner going crazy on the others to the pile of hurdles I needed to navigate today. Gee, thanks.
Midnight arrives, I finally get the baby to sleep around the hubbub, and off to bed we go. Quiet prayers while he's snoring in my ear - oddly enough I don't mind. He's back to working nights so I'd kind of missed his snoring while I pray. It's kind of become like an accompaniment. It may not be a concert hall at the Vatican, but it's certainly better than praying alone every night.
Baby wakes up at 5:20 - what cruel joke is this? And he wants to play. Now. Load him up in the car to help maintain the peace and drive to McDonald's so I can get some caffeine in my system and allow me to survive the day. Decide since I'm up to see the sun rise over the mountains I might as well enjoy it. I grabbed my camera and found a place to park and took about 100 photos of different angles as the sun rose over the mountains. Honestly it was an amazing experience - and probably the first photos I didn't take at 65 MPH in years.
Pull the car back into my parking spot at the hotel. Got out and opened the back door of my Jeep in time to find out the baby still had the flu. Fun fun fun. Clean the car, clean the seat, wrap the baby in a blanket and head back into the hotel - but I forgot my key. Walk around the hotel to the front desk and try to prove I am his wife because he didn't put me on the room. Get back upstairs, bathe the baby and find out older son failed to pack baby's extra clothes he was given three times to put in suitcase.
SCREAM that TBI life sucks when you're the only person over the age of 1 in the house who doesn't have it.
Back to business - no clothes left for the baby. Everything has been christened in one way or another since we left the house. I don't even have a clean blanket left to wrap him in that I own. Decide to let him hang out in a towel and a diaper while I contemplate where to go from here.
Took me about an hour in my sleep deprived state but eventually I remembered I'd bought pajamas the day before on clearance at the store when I went to grab the baby's forgotten socks. Perfect! Send my oldest down to grab them from the car and suit up for the day ahead.
Driving in circles, conference calls, meetings, trying to calm my husband down, trying to explain that no one is trying to screw him over (and praying they actually aren't).
All this to arrive home and find out his therapy appointment for tomorrow has been cancelled (gee, thanks) and that our dog sitter apparently forgot to let the dogs out before we got home. Ah well, life happens. Pray about it and move on.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Today
Today has circled around my role in leadership and what I do. In times of both struggle and triumph, I often turn to the beautiful words of Rudyard Kipling.
"If"
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!
"If"
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Happy Purple Heart Day!!!
In 1782, the Continental Congress took a cost cutting measure preventing the awarding of rank for valorous service. Up until this time, individual achievements in battle were generally awarded with a promotion. In response, 2 military awards were created for servicemen. The first award authorized a chevron to be worn on the left sleeve for every 3 years of service given to the Continental Army. These chevrons are still in use today in all branches of the military on dress uniforms.
On August 7, 1782 in Newburgh, NY General George Washington commissioned the first badge of honor for valorous action in battle. I was designed by M. Pierre Charles L'Enfant who later designed the Nation's Capital City, Washington, DC. It was a piece of heart shaped purple cloth most often made of silk or cotton. It was edged in very narrow lace and contained white embroidery. The center featured a single word, "Merit". It was awarded for "any singularly meritorious action" and was named the Badge of Military Merit. This was the first time enlisted and non-commissioned officers could earn a badge of distinction.
Awards for service to any person serving in the military for valor disappeared after the American Revolution until the Civil War when the Medal of Honor was created.
On January 7, 1931 a new award was to be created in honor of the bicentennial of President George Washington's birth. Ms. Elizabeth Will, an Army heraldic specialist in the Office of the Quarter designed a sketch based on Washington's Badge of Military Merit. It consisted of an enameled heart of purple edged in gold. George Washington's profile is in the center of the medal and it hangs from a purple ribbon edged in white. The back of the medal says "For Military Merit" and is usually engraved with the soldier's rank, name, and service branch.
Officially authorized on February 22, 1932 by President Herbert Hoover, the following General Order was issued:
"By order of the President of the United States, The Purple Heart established by General George Washington at Newburgh, August 7, 1782, during the war of the Revolution, is hereby revived out of respect to his memory and military achievements.
The decoration is authorized to be awarded to persons who, while serving in the army of the United States, perform any singularly Meritorious act of extraordinary fidelity or essential service. A wound received in action may be construed as resulting from such an act."
It is one of the most recognized military medals in the world and is frequently considered to be one of the most beautiful.
For more information on the Purple Heart and the Badge of Military Merit, visit:
http://www.connecticutsar.org/articles/badge_of_military_merit.htm
On August 7, 1782 in Newburgh, NY General George Washington commissioned the first badge of honor for valorous action in battle. I was designed by M. Pierre Charles L'Enfant who later designed the Nation's Capital City, Washington, DC. It was a piece of heart shaped purple cloth most often made of silk or cotton. It was edged in very narrow lace and contained white embroidery. The center featured a single word, "Merit". It was awarded for "any singularly meritorious action" and was named the Badge of Military Merit. This was the first time enlisted and non-commissioned officers could earn a badge of distinction.
Awards for service to any person serving in the military for valor disappeared after the American Revolution until the Civil War when the Medal of Honor was created.
On January 7, 1931 a new award was to be created in honor of the bicentennial of President George Washington's birth. Ms. Elizabeth Will, an Army heraldic specialist in the Office of the Quarter designed a sketch based on Washington's Badge of Military Merit. It consisted of an enameled heart of purple edged in gold. George Washington's profile is in the center of the medal and it hangs from a purple ribbon edged in white. The back of the medal says "For Military Merit" and is usually engraved with the soldier's rank, name, and service branch.
Officially authorized on February 22, 1932 by President Herbert Hoover, the following General Order was issued:
"By order of the President of the United States, The Purple Heart established by General George Washington at Newburgh, August 7, 1782, during the war of the Revolution, is hereby revived out of respect to his memory and military achievements.
The decoration is authorized to be awarded to persons who, while serving in the army of the United States, perform any singularly Meritorious act of extraordinary fidelity or essential service. A wound received in action may be construed as resulting from such an act."
It is one of the most recognized military medals in the world and is frequently considered to be one of the most beautiful.
For more information on the Purple Heart and the Badge of Military Merit, visit:
http://www.connecticutsar.org/articles/badge_of_military_merit.htm
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
I Need a Hobby...
I'm really good at giving advice. In fact, many of you have begun to listen to VOW Talk Radio which I took over hosting 3 weeks ago. My how the time flies!
One of the first things I tell PTSD/TBI Caregiver wives is to find something they love and be certain they take the time to spend doing it. Whatever that love might be for them they need to indulge in enjoying it. Reading, writing, photography, crafts, sewing, painting, whatever! I don't care WHAT you do - I care that you DO IT.
However, as with most people who are really good at giving advice and helping others, I'm horrible at taking it - my own or someone else's. Like the paramedic who drives himself to the ER and walks in with his arm falling off going "No, no, I'm fine. Help him first!" I triage my life in similar aspects. Family of a Vet needs a new article or something for publishing. VOW Talk Radio needs shows scheduled and interviews booked. People like you need help.
I'm a Mom. I'm a wife. I'm a full time 60+ hour a week advocate for veterans and their families.
But I need a hobby.
Strike that. I need a NEW hobby. I have plenty of current ones that sit on the shelf abandoned because someone was in their hour of need and I just never got back to them.
Among my already developed or partially developed hobbies are:
Singing (who has the time?)
Instruments (piano, most woodwinds, trying to relearn guitar)
Acting (lots of time to do that - just not in the way I'd prefer ;) lol)
Knitting (what a disaster that was - please protect me from yarn!!)
Storytelling (useful at bedtime, but not really otherwise)
Writing music (yeah - again - who has the time?!?!)
Crafting
Quilting
Sewing
Scrapbooking
and so forth.
I dedicate, aside from bedtime, less than an hour a month to these pursuits - in total. I can't get to my piano because it's covered in antique trains. My guitar is buried behind toolboxes and I haven't seen any of my woodwind instruments since a month or two after we moved here. We won't discuss the last time I managed to FINISH a crafting project.
So here I sit with lots of hobbies but not one single one I feel I can truly dedicate time to...because when I do so, I'm taking time away from my family.
(*Please note - this is a classic sign of caregiver stress and being overwhelmed. Sadly it is also very true.*)
So if you have a suggestion of a new hobby I could take on that might not impart as much guilt, I'd greatly appreciate it. FOV has become my hobby and my life - but somewhere in there I need to start learning to recharge my batteries...and one of you may have just the key that I need. :)
One of the first things I tell PTSD/TBI Caregiver wives is to find something they love and be certain they take the time to spend doing it. Whatever that love might be for them they need to indulge in enjoying it. Reading, writing, photography, crafts, sewing, painting, whatever! I don't care WHAT you do - I care that you DO IT.
However, as with most people who are really good at giving advice and helping others, I'm horrible at taking it - my own or someone else's. Like the paramedic who drives himself to the ER and walks in with his arm falling off going "No, no, I'm fine. Help him first!" I triage my life in similar aspects. Family of a Vet needs a new article or something for publishing. VOW Talk Radio needs shows scheduled and interviews booked. People like you need help.
I'm a Mom. I'm a wife. I'm a full time 60+ hour a week advocate for veterans and their families.
But I need a hobby.
Strike that. I need a NEW hobby. I have plenty of current ones that sit on the shelf abandoned because someone was in their hour of need and I just never got back to them.
Among my already developed or partially developed hobbies are:
Singing (who has the time?)
Instruments (piano, most woodwinds, trying to relearn guitar)
Acting (lots of time to do that - just not in the way I'd prefer ;) lol)
Knitting (what a disaster that was - please protect me from yarn!!)
Storytelling (useful at bedtime, but not really otherwise)
Writing music (yeah - again - who has the time?!?!)
Crafting
Quilting
Sewing
Scrapbooking
and so forth.
I dedicate, aside from bedtime, less than an hour a month to these pursuits - in total. I can't get to my piano because it's covered in antique trains. My guitar is buried behind toolboxes and I haven't seen any of my woodwind instruments since a month or two after we moved here. We won't discuss the last time I managed to FINISH a crafting project.
So here I sit with lots of hobbies but not one single one I feel I can truly dedicate time to...because when I do so, I'm taking time away from my family.
(*Please note - this is a classic sign of caregiver stress and being overwhelmed. Sadly it is also very true.*)
So if you have a suggestion of a new hobby I could take on that might not impart as much guilt, I'd greatly appreciate it. FOV has become my hobby and my life - but somewhere in there I need to start learning to recharge my batteries...and one of you may have just the key that I need. :)
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Just Ill
I'm so done right now.
Family is visiting for the 4th and family birthdays. DH is off the cuff upset at me, them, everyone.
They're piling the guilt on me. He's piling the guilt on me.
I've had 4 hours of sleep because I'm so torn up by this - I hate to see how tonight goes.
Now he's in full PTSD blow out and saying he's moving out.
I give up.
Family is visiting for the 4th and family birthdays. DH is off the cuff upset at me, them, everyone.
They're piling the guilt on me. He's piling the guilt on me.
I've had 4 hours of sleep because I'm so torn up by this - I hate to see how tonight goes.
Now he's in full PTSD blow out and saying he's moving out.
I give up.
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