Wednesday, July 6, 2011

I Need a Hobby...

I'm really good at giving advice. In fact, many of you have begun to listen to VOW Talk Radio which I took over hosting 3 weeks ago. My how the time flies!

One of the first things I tell PTSD/TBI Caregiver wives is to find something they love and be certain they take the time to spend doing it. Whatever that love might be for them they need to indulge in enjoying it. Reading, writing, photography, crafts, sewing, painting, whatever! I don't care WHAT you do - I care that you DO IT.

However, as with most people who are really good at giving advice and helping others, I'm horrible at taking it - my own or someone else's. Like the paramedic who drives himself to the ER and walks in with his arm falling off going "No, no, I'm fine. Help him first!" I triage my life in similar aspects. Family of a Vet needs a new article or something for publishing. VOW Talk Radio needs shows scheduled and interviews booked. People like you need help.

I'm a Mom. I'm a wife. I'm a full time 60+ hour a week advocate for veterans and their families.

But I need a hobby.

Strike that. I need a NEW hobby. I have plenty of current ones that sit on the shelf abandoned because someone was in their hour of need and I just never got back to them.

Among my already developed or partially developed hobbies are:

Singing (who has the time?)
Instruments (piano, most woodwinds, trying to relearn guitar)
Acting (lots of time to do that - just not in the way I'd prefer ;) lol)
Knitting (what a disaster that was - please protect me from yarn!!)
Storytelling (useful at bedtime, but not really otherwise)
Writing music (yeah - again - who has the time?!?!)

and so forth.

I dedicate, aside from bedtime, less than an hour a month to these pursuits - in total. I can't get to my piano because it's covered in antique trains. My guitar is buried behind toolboxes and I haven't seen any of my woodwind instruments since a month or two after we moved here. We won't discuss the last time I managed to FINISH a crafting project.

So here I sit with lots of hobbies but not one single one I feel I can truly dedicate time to...because when I do so, I'm taking time away from my family.

(*Please note - this is a classic sign of caregiver stress and being overwhelmed. Sadly it is also very true.*)

So if you have a suggestion of a new hobby I could take on that might not impart as much guilt, I'd greatly appreciate it. FOV has become my hobby and my life - but somewhere in there I need to start learning to recharge my batteries...and one of you may have just the key that I need. :)

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Just Ill

I'm so done right now.

Family is visiting for the 4th and family birthdays. DH is off the cuff upset at me, them, everyone.

They're piling the guilt on me. He's piling the guilt on me.

I've had 4 hours of sleep because I'm so torn up by this - I hate to see how tonight goes.

Now he's in full PTSD blow out and saying he's moving out.

I give up.